“We want more than this world’s got to offer
We want more than this world’s got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live”

Switchfoot

Was I meant to live for so much more? Or I’m just kidding myself. Why acquire knowledge of things and places that will always be far from my reach?  I’m so dissapointed with life…what it’s offering and how it isn’t making me part of the bidding process. So many dreams that are waiting not to become reality.

I’m sick of being a fool. People tell me I dream too much, when in fact my expectations of what I can get or become are lower than average.

I hate me. The way I am. How unwelcoming the world is for someone with my lack of means and unreal desire to thrive.

How pathetic can my posts be. I wanted to get a voice, my voice…But I guess I’m many things, and in that confussion I just loose myself and talk as if I were someone else. I just want to be one person, I’m sick of adapting to the situation and person that’s the nearest. So tired…

But I can’t help it. So many thoughts, problems, wishes, aspirations, worries, happineses….

Why can’t he just love me? Doesn’t he know that if he doesn’t I wont love him back…? I refuse to expose myself to that kind of suffering. I wont fall in love with him because he doesn’t love me, and if he doesn’t by now he never will.

I wish I had somebody to love…and that would love me back. Too bad I’m too ugly and disgusting. For my standards I wouldn’t expose someone I love to what I have to see every day…so awful…so nasty…Why can’t I be normal?

Why can’t I have everything I want?…ok, everything I need?

Good-Bye