I’m a loser
I’m a loser
And I’m not what I appear to be

Of all the love I have won or have lost
there is one love I should never have crossed
She was a girl in a million, my friend
I should have known she would win in the end

I’m a loser
And I lost someone who’s near to me
I’m a loser
And I’m not what I appear to be

Although I laugh and I act like a clown
Beneath this mask I am wearing a frown
My tears are falling like rain from the sky
Is it for her or myself that I cry

I’m a loser
And I lost someone who’s near to me
I’m a loser
And I’m not what I appear to be

What have I done to deserve such a fate
I realize I have left it too late
And so it’s true, pride comes before a fall
I’m telling you so that you won’t lose all

I’m a loser
And I lost someone who’s near to me
I’m a loser
And I’m not what I appear to be

Too bad the girl I dedicate this song to is the one I used to be…I miss her. Her drive, her smarts, her patience and perseverance. I guess we all have to change at one time or another, but why for the worst?

The other day I read my Three Month Challenge and realized, if anything, things have only become worse…The winds still control me, I don’t believe enough in myself anymore to even care or put them in their place.

I don’t want to go back to that girl, the loner who because of the lack of friends would spend all her time at the library cracking some books and minding her own business, dreaming of leaving her homeland to live a life of adventure…I just want her organization, her drive back…the ability to focus on a task until it’s finished. Is it too much to ask? To finish something again?

Of course it’s not the girl’s fault (completely), but the education system as well is to blame. She  entered the university prepared for the challenge and she was good at not letting herself down, but then as time passed the requirements changed, and she forgot how to study, how to do her homework properly for the discipline she chose didn’t require that sort of effort. Now that she is studying something else, she feels lost and confused over the loss of knowledge. She remembers her past, how good she used to be at this, and so does the people that remember that old girl and haven’t realized she has changed…how now she needs two hours to write a freaking page, when before she would have done at least ten…

I miss her. I want her back!

Give her back to me! I don’t like living under a mask.